Personal Space

And Ze Game !!

2011-02-18T16:11:00.001+01:00

And yes, its on Kongregate and yes I managed to submit it. Please do comment on it and review it if you feel so.

Here's the link to the game :)

www.kongregate.com/games/rajatanantharam/labyrinth

My 2-week Game Project

2011-02-02T22:03:00.004+01:00

I had a rough week I must admit. My boss in the previous company made it clear that I need to leave since there were some re-organization (or whatever that means). So I got back to what I love to do the most. Make games.

For my 2 week project I am designing a game with Unity3D for the gaming contest hosted by Kongregate. Its really nice to know that Kongregate is joining hands with Unity3D.

Unity3D is undoubtedly one of the best game engine that is out there and I have been using it for almost 5 months now. It is incredible how easy the game engine makes the life of a game developer. So without further adieu I shall start.

It will be a puzzle game set in a pitch dark prison where 10 prisoners need to make their way out of a labyrinth (or a maze as you may also call) to proceed that much closer to their final destination - freedom. As a player you mastermind the escape of these prisoners and make sure that they use the right tactics to finish each level.

Since it is a pitch-dark environment, it is important that the prisoners make their way slowly while exploring the environment. The player will get to move the group together by pointing the direction they should go to. As the prisoners start exploring, more clues appear. A clue in the game is essentially something the player can click on to get additional options.

This post will continue to be my week-long post about the progress of this project. I will post my source code and snippets of game-play. Make sure you install unity web-player (takes like 2 mins).

Feel free to criticize (if necessary take the shit out as long as it makes sense) since they are very valuable.

Cheers !

Skream Skream Skreeeeeeem!

2010-11-10T15:02:00.001+01:00

Magnetic man is a trio of skream, benga and artman. Of the three skream happens to be my favorite and this happens to be the best tune of his.

A piece of me and a piece of You

2010-11-02T13:01:00.000+01:00

TinTin

2010-11-02T11:25:00.001+01:00

I can try and imagine what you are thinking :) Actually I cannot.

Set Theory

2010-10-31T16:46:00.002+01:00

Jon Stewart explains why the rally to restore sanity

2010-10-31T16:39:00.001+01:00

How much cooler can a "promo" be?

2010-10-31T15:24:00.000+01:00

For the Love of Future - Playboy!

2010-10-31T14:52:00.002+01:00

For more of let's say NSFW viewing pleasure:

http://www.playboy.com/articles/playboy-goes-back/index.html

Itinerary Tokyo

2010-10-31T14:34:00.002+01:00

3-G Robot

2010-10-28T12:45:00.001+02:00

Waseda University’s Perceptual Computing Laboratory has posted a video showing their third generation conversational robot, SCHEMA, engaging in conversation with multiple groups. The robot listens intently as two humans talk about movies. When another person arrives, SCHEMA asks the person to wait while it finishes what it was going to say. It then directs its attention to the new comer, whom it has already recognized using image processing. What is important here is how quickly SCHEMA can respond to human questions and interjections. It doesn’t display any of the usual awkward pauses normally associated with talking robots

Amerika Amerika !

2010-10-27T11:13:00.007+02:00

Nivanh Chantara

2010-10-26T23:05:00.001+02:00

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Who Wants to Dance?

2010-10-25T14:56:00.001+02:00

De Jeugd Van Tegenwoordig : New album TBR on 26th November

2010-10-25T14:49:00.002+02:00

Fucking Hipsters

2010-10-25T13:03:00.002+02:00

http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1809153

Stop Motion Animation in The Memory Of

2010-10-25T12:58:00.003+02:00

Emile Cohl (1857 - 1938)

http://www.emilecohl.com/

klause pichler is quite fantastic

2010-10-24T23:10:00.001+02:00

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Gordei is the name of the artist and i think he's awesome

2010-10-24T20:42:00.001+02:00

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.3

A beautiful weekend

2010-10-24T19:14:00.003+02:00

Magnetic man @ Amsterdam dance event 2010. (without the audio please please)

And my new Google nexus one for posting this blog :)

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LaL Meri

2009-03-23T12:16:00.002+01:00

Lal Meri is a new electronic/pop group made up of three musicians of different backgrounds, cultures and musical sensibilities, all combined into a unified whole.

The name of the band is insprired from the famous Sufi song Lal Meri. Its quite interesting how eastern influences are becoming more and more evident in new age music.

Also the Sufi song - Lal Meri. Also the band's myspace page

The Good, the bad and the ugly

2009-03-22T17:13:00.001+01:00

When we decided to order two ukuleles for our band the first song which was planned to prepare for was "The good, the bad and the ugly". Looks like we have a long way to go :)

Resident Evil: The dark side chronicles

2009-03-16T21:33:00.002+01:00

For some mind blowing graphics and the much awaited game of the year which by the way has shipped over

5 million units ! Hope you enjoy the trailer and get your copy asap !

Fallen Art

2009-03-14T12:32:00.003+01:00

This is a relatively old video but still stands out as one of the best pieces of animation that I have come across. Directed by Tomek Baginski this is called fallen art. Enjoy.

You may also want to go through some other works of him at this link.

Kutiman mixes on youtube

2009-03-11T21:03:00.002+01:00

Ever considered composing original tracks by mixing random self shot musical videos on youtube and come up with something which is cool in every sense? Wait until you hear this.

For more on the entire album and the making, please visit this blog.

Thanks Erhan !

Internet-holic ?

2009-03-10T19:15:00.002+01:00

Cant ever get bored with xkcd.

Burn Zombie Burn

2009-03-10T13:35:00.003+01:00

Ever thought how awesome it would be to fight against highly flammable zombies and watch your score go up while the continue to burn. As per the game's title, BZB adds extremely flammable zombies to the traditional Robotron-esque, semi-overhead, run and shoot gameplay mechanic.

And now for the "Zombie vision" mode.

Burn Zombie Burn is scheduled for release on the PlayStation Network on March 26.

Sadhus

2009-03-09T22:14:00.004+01:00

The Sanskrit terms sādhu ("good man") and sādhvī ("good woman") refer to renouncers who have chosen to live a life apart from or on the edges of society in order to focus on their own spiritual practice.

The words come from the Sanskrit root sādh, which means "reach one's goal", "make straight", or "gain power over". The same root is used in the word sādhana, which means "spiritual practice".

Images of Sadhus in their full galore (or almost). I hope you will like them.

Also for more check out the following web repository

Tag: The Power of Paint

2009-03-09T15:01:00.002+01:00

Spray painting as an essential gaming element in this first person arcade called Tag: The Power of Paint.

Tag: The Power of Paint. Complete walkthrough from Tejeev Kohli on Vimeo.

If you like the game in action then you can dowload the game here.

Ugly stuff doesn`t sell.

2009-03-01T16:42:00.002+01:00

My philosophy in a nutshell: It’s all about teamwork. No sensitive divas.
Everybody gets his/her chance and space to meet demands in a creative way.
If there is no easy answer, if things are difficult, I `ll try to motivate.
If ideas suck, I will l tell.
If they are good, I will push them.
I decide fast, if needed, on the spot.
Stressing people will not make them work better.
Motivating and tickling brains does.
But what if there is still no hint of an idea?
We - as a team – will find it. (At least, I can tell where to look for it).

It`s not arrogancy, but experience and knowledge.
Knowledge about design / trends.
About technical feasibility.
And about culture.

Clients and targetgroups deserve to be respected.
Strategic thinking is the key.
Also in design. Marketing and creativity can go hand in hand from the start.
I believe that a teamleader should be able to clean Keyframes if necessery.
There is no better way to show respect to your collegues.

Above all:
I believe in the power of good creation. It allways sells above average.

To quote Raimond Loewy: Ugly stuff doesn`t sell.

- Gunnar Menzel

He led the team which worked on the promotional video for coke by faithless. A renowned producer based in Berlin, maybe you will enjoy going through some of his works here.

François Vogel

2009-02-28T15:17:00.002+01:00

Remember the you + hp = its gonna be a fuckin awesome life? Turns out its all work of Francois Vogel who was heading a project at Method Studios.

Apart from being a co-director of the faithless promo video for Coke, he is also working on a short film Los Crebes.

Here is a dump of all his Design and animation projects so far from the paranoidus team.

Hope you'll like 'em.

Jeremy Fish and Aesop rock

2009-02-28T15:09:00.002+01:00

I came across this new track from Aesop Rock. What interested me the most was the art work in the video. Turns out it is the genius of Jeremy Fish who is a New York born and illustrator. Hope you will enjoy the song as well as the work that went into making the video.

October Daze

2009-02-27T15:32:00.002+01:00

My recent visit to a performance to Nitin Sawhney is more than any reason to post a blog. It was at Tivoli and the very fact that I could see him perform live at a walking distance from home still makes me feel "lucky". This was performed during the concert and is my favorite one. Its called October Daze:

I'm lingering, I'm lost
I'm floating nowhere like
A wasp in October
Summer's over and done

These empty dreams of mine
Are out of place and out of time
Is just a grain of sand for me

Seasons change
Memories fade
Daydreams fall like golden leaves

Another day
I'm watching dreams just slip away
The summer moon
Gives way to autumn's dusky bloom
Seeds I've sown
Are almost spent, I'm here alone

Wandering I roam
Beneath the half light of forgotten sunsets
Searching for my home

Inside this lonely place
I'm chasing shadows like a wasp in October
Fading in the wind

Seasons change
Memories fade
Daydreams fall like golden leaves

Um dia de mas
Meu sonho desapareceu
Lua no c?u
Rio da noite, cora??o
Sozinha aqui
Voc? n?o lembra mais de mim

Another day
I'm watching dreams just slip away
The summer moon
Gives way to autumn's dusky bloom
Seeds I've sown
Are almost spent, I'm here alone

Coffe and French

2009-02-17T15:57:00.000+01:00

I hope you'll like this. Weird yet funny - to say the least.

le Café - Oldelaf (english subtitles)
Uploaded by Boebis

There's gotta be a limit. Zeesh !

2009-02-16T16:28:00.002+01:00

I mean, life without google can be a tough question to answer, but life without google to people with search quotes as "why do I have green poop" is well .. pushing it a little too far. And there are about 883 million of them. Bravo!

For more on this

Kyoto

2009-02-15T15:39:00.003+01:00

A mesmerizing tune depicting images of a country that is distinctively fascinating.

Artist : Air

Song : Alone in Kyoto

Jazz Ensemble

2009-02-14T19:59:00.004+01:00

Its quite tough to come up with an excuse not to attend a jazz concert. I did not need any.

Location : SJU Jazz Podium
Date : 13-2-2009
Band : Soul Prophets

Bah !

2009-02-04T22:23:00.003+01:00

Standing on a frozen lake at 21:00 hrs in the middle of the woods on a full moon day wasn't a stupid plan. This posture probably was.

Also, a few more snaps at

Its all gone Pete Tong

2009-02-04T16:07:00.004+01:00

A very good way of putting a fact across, that love indeed is miserable and so is any other form of addiction.

Song: Need to Feel Loved
Composer(s): Reflekt feat Delline Bass
Movie : Its all gone Pete Tong.

Comptine D'un Autre Ete

2009-01-31T21:49:00.005+01:00

The pristine aroma of you filled the room
When winter felt like the Peruvian Daffodil
O' Sulfur Queen and without you there is not a day
Yet, you chose to stay apart
And take all the fragrance away
Leaving me in this lonesome room of cacti
Where once bumble bee feasted upon your bloom

I miss the fragrance and yet I know
That it wouldn't be the same
Be it Christa Kieffer or the morning market
I would never get back your fragrance

While I watch you preserve it
For those who don't deserve it.

She spends most of her time alone
She enjoys the rain
She never fits in
She hasn't bbeen the same since she got the news
She tried to sleep
She couldn't make up her mind
She couldn't make any (more) friends
She asked for advice
She tried everything and nothing worked
So, She left and never looked back

Distance

2009-01-23T01:26:00.003+01:00

Has been a while
Still I find it hard to accept
That we have parted

The fact that we cant meet again
The fact that there will be a discomfort

A painful, yet a state of mind
Which can only be succumbed by distance
A distance which we both hate. Yet have agreed to embrace
For the far reality which promises peace
A peace that we opted for, unsure if it's peaceful.
Unsure if we want it, unsure if we need it.

Player Emotions

2008-10-10T01:36:00.003+02:00

It was one of those nights when I was having coffee with my friends at a local pub. Thats where we make sure to brainstorm ideas and concepts for the game that we all believe is the dream RPG. People have given names, ideas and concepts as well as numerous criticisms. But as time has progressed it has come to my understanding that the ideas which are pitched in are getting far more mature and often very innovative. Be it the son of god being the main game AI and hence the Christ\anti-Christ game or be it the rpg with the main character suffering from a multiple personality syndrome, we have thought of 'em all. All the possibilities on the exploration of the epitome of cyberpunk concepts were pitched in.

In all these phases from my understanding, a game requires to simulate a state of mind which best engages the player in a specific emotion, be it anger, frustration, happiness, sadness, love, hatred or just pure insanity during its game-play. This poses as one of the biggest challenges to the designers of the game. While the script writers work on the right game story, the market analysts take a look at the target audience. The state of mind which sells more is the one the story board is based on (most of the time). Yet, there are certain states of mind in every person - which I personally cannot hate, yet having it in a game seems unlikely. The question is is it unlikely? Or something never tried before?

I am talking about a feeling of one-ness. The feeling that one goes through while he constantly stares at the fire-place, or watches the water in the pond form ripples when a stone in thrown in and so on. Is it really possible to have a level of immersion in a game which can bring such a feeling to the player? I personally think that would be the something quite interesting. A dramatic ending to a story, or probably a part of the story?

PS : Blogger traces out christ (without a capital c) as an error ;P

Rendezvous

2008-09-14T14:54:00.002+02:00

Avoiding the gaze
Yet subtly a peek
Uncertain and unsure
Of the new blood
The new skin

Yet you wish to let loose

The conversation begins
The music gets dimmer
Loud yet not audible
The floor, set ablaze to the rhythm
Yet your feet are froze

Pupils locked in absurd perplex
Your heart races in chaos
Before regaining a rhythm
The warmth of the embrace
The moistness of the lips
The innocence of the moment
Lost in momentary tranquillity

A rendezvous nevertheless.

Arrogance

2008-08-19T12:18:00.003+02:00

Desperation to put your point across in a group when you clearly know it's wrong and not in the interest of the group.

Learn

2008-07-25T19:53:00.002+02:00

The best ways of learning Dutch

Scene : 25 seconds after the decisive goal scored by Russia to rule out the chances of Holland's EU cup dreams ..

Everyone's pissed off in the bar. Not drinking anymore with hand on their head, faces like pit-bulls.

Question to a random Dutch pit-bull:

Which is the best pickup line to a dutch chick ?

Answer : ...

Untitled

2008-07-19T23:22:00.002+02:00

On a gloomy saturday night
In this distant land monotonic
I stay alone
Inside my room, in subtle warmth
Holding the remote in one hand
When I hear the buzz

Who could it be now, oh wait let me guess

A quick ride to chamundi - but damn its late already
Or maybe a visit to CCD
A quick leap ahead? Or a quick sip
Grandpa's, Bopy's or where not
Rendezvous at Manju's
Or wait - maybe climb up the tower

All jaggered I run to answer the buzz
Despite the sprain on my neck
And too much alcohol on my head
I run with tears trickling
I run in ecstasy - to relive the moments.

Culture Shock

2008-07-04T21:31:00.002+02:00

The memories of my first day in Utrecht are still quite vibrant. It was an exhaustive sixteen hours on the flight before I could step down at Schipol. But deep within there was a very evident amount of excitement which I couldn't suppress even if I wanted to. On September 2007, I was at a small and a very beautiful town in the Netherlands. Little was I aware that it was going to be the beginning of one of the most fantastic days as a student.

As most stories go .. a land far far away, it stuck a startling resemblance with me. I am from India and yes, it is a land far far away. Despite the assurance of few people I knew and the Erasmus Student Network, the nervousness prevailed. To my surprise even before the blink of an eye - came the introductory program of the ESN. I remember it was a tour of the Oudegracht (the lake that flows through the heart of the city) on the bicycle. It was even more enticing since there were students from pretty much every imaginable nation. From India? - not any that I knew.

The introductory meeting had flavors from the history behind the peace monument to the dome square all the way to Tivoli (I lov it) and the many places where students would love to be. Then I got the first taste of night life at Utrecht. It was at Storm where the International drinks night was held. Despite the fact that Storm is not the best club in Utrecht, one undeniable fact remains that the international drinks night on every tuesday is nothing short of surprises. New people, new faces and new stories are unraveled in a plethora of vibrancy. I must confess, storm has been the place where I made most of my friends and am glad of their acceptance.

Time flew by and winter was soon approaching and along with it a whole new set of activities frequently arranged by ESN. It included the skiing trip, trip to various prominent towns in the Netherlands and the surprisingly funny theme parties. I mean, I am not aware of another student body which can or is willing to host a "Pimp - n - ho" party!

It is often a question that is raised by many of my Dutch friends or rather as I state it, the most predictable question. "What do you think about Netherlands?" I would want to be quite frank about it.

To my knowledge there cannot be a place which can be any more accommodative than Netherlands to the students who are coming from abroad. It took me precisely 3 days to get used to pretty much everything here. Starting from the supermarkets to the parties to the shopping arcades, the fact that you are a student is a bonus. There cannot be a better perk than that - or as I feel. While being a country where Dutch is the primary language, almost anyone and everyone that I know or have interacted with speaks in English. So communication should not be such a big issue. However Dutch isn't as hard as it sounds. A few jargons could come handy considering the fact that Dutch love to see people blend into their culture.

A few more weeks would mark the completion of one year of my stay in Utrecht. I have had my fair share of fantastic experiences. From witnessing some of the most spectacular concerts, to being part of festivals, to attending a talk by Stephen Hawking at the University, there cannot be a better way to conclude my thoughts about Netherlands.

"So Rajat - What do you think about Utrecht?"

- It surprises me every day.

Corporate to Cookies

2008-05-18T18:05:00.002+02:00

It has been a while since I got a chance to write a few lines about my recent monstrosities here at Netherlands. With the ever concerned parents back home and their constant reminders about my "how good life was in India" phrases, I was pulled into a few moments of paradox. Contemplating the facts that I did have a car to drive whenever and wherever I wanted to and a bunch of friends on whom I could almost rely my life on, the past 8 months in Holland still hasn't provided me with that level of comfort. Maybe its too much to ask for, but hey! I am not complaining here. Past queens day the sun shone brightly in Netherlands. It was also the same day when I got the information that I did not avail the scholarship. So I personally did not find too many reasons to celebrate - but then again, I didn't care much anyways. When the whole country turns orange and gets wasted on the streets I couldn't possibly be the depressed one behind closed doors. Rather I opted to witness something phenomenal and often funny. Queen's eve I was at Eindhoven where Ferry Corsten was spinning. For those not aware of this Genre, he's been voted as the 3rd best DJ in the world. So there he was on a free concert making people go wild. I danced to the tunes of him till my legs fell apart. At 10 degrees with a light drizzle, I still kept going on and on and on with a mere orange T-shirt. Got a chance to wave the Dutch National Flag just in front of the stage. As I said, I witnessed a lot. Next day was the queens day. Started the day late and we were on the streets all the time throughout the day. Commodities being sold at dirt cheap prices while all shops painted in Orange we walked around the town and made quite many friends meanwhile. Another day gone. After that there were two more national holidays in 2 weeks time. With the sun shining high and bright and temperature soaring at 25 degrees, it seemed impossible to get any work done. A quick visit to Bloemendaal which is the prime beach in Holland and place to some of the best rave parties on the planet - besides Ibiza and Miami came as a warm surprise. All this and the part time job at the cookie factory. Yes, a cookie factory - a place where for 8 hours I pack cookies in boxes and load them up on a tray and those trays are moved onto the trucks. The most bizarre job that I know till date.

With days passing by I see lesser communication - lesser mails and almost no phone calls from the same inseparable folks back home. But there's more from the new faces, new acquaintances, new friends in a new place.

I am only contemplating. Not complaining.

Reality is dreaming

2008-03-23T23:59:00.002+01:00

Reality is dreaming

For once I gave up all my thoughts
Allowed the arrogance to remain blunt
Pushed in virtue in the path of realm
The rush of blood to the head
Like it was going to explode
For once, I allowed things to be in your control
It was perfect, it was formal
It felt good, from the moment it initiated
I was happy for it was reality.

Though reality never felt like dreaming
Not before this.

Forever faithless

2008-03-09T14:45:00.000+01:00

I lift you off the earth, mundane and glum
Out the solar system, way past the sun
Til all the fear in your heart is gone,
And so on

Walking through the world with no pressure
Inner peace beyond measure
I was leaving, wearing what I came in
When a man said Stop.. I wanna have what you have
And get what you got

I got it sleeping rough on the streets in the rain
I got it, learning to share my people's pain
I got it making flowers grow in hearts of stone
I got it cos I always take the long way home

I got it cos I always take the long way home

I've been walking through the world with no pressure
Air's fresher, full of vigour
Life becomes my mirror
The further I go, the more I know
Oh yeah, wherever the wind blow
I'll be there
Turned up in places that I never intended to go
And so ended my youth

I once depended on proof
Now I'm in the flow
There are things I know beyond knowing
I've never seen a seed growing
I was going back home
When a man said Stop... I wanna have what you have
And get what you got

I got it sleeping rough on the streets in the rain
I got it, learning to share my people's pain
I got it making flowers grow in hearts of stone
I got it cos I always take the long way home

I got it cos I always take the long way home

Trance

2008-03-06T22:32:00.002+01:00

For once against my will
I allowed it
To pulsate through my veins
And make me feel at the top
Allow the waves
To pass through every inch of the skin
Feel the pulse raising in a rythm
Eyes starry feeling happy
Like you are the show
You are what you are, and there''s no one but you
There is love but that love is you
And for once more I feel it, moving through my head
Allowing every tentacle to shiver
Sensitive like a baby in a no mans land

I love it, Love it ..

Logic

2008-02-29T16:51:00.002+01:00

Wondering how hard it may get
To refuse things which you never thought would help
Negative to things which you think are wrong
Negative to things which you are unfamiliar

Unfamiliar being wrong
Negative to experiments

Wondering how easy it gets
To refuse innocence
And loyalty, some love a simple hug
Refusing care, refusing a smile

Positive to free offers - Negative to offers

And .. it went wrong

2008-02-20T23:18:00.004+01:00

How hard can it be before I die
How hard can it be before I cry
How hard can it be before I lie
How hard can it be before I fall in your arms

How hard was it be before you stayed so quiet
How hard was it when you laughed in full might
How hard was it when you had tears in your eyes
How hard was it before you made me stop cy

Not as hard as falling in love with you - babe :)

Broken_Link

2008-02-16T16:11:00.005+01:00

me : Hey hows it going? Did u attend the lecture.

not_me : Jooooo ... wassup? Jep I attended.

me : Dude! There's a J there.

not_me: U mean you have one?

me: No, I mean you have one.

not_me: Lemme check.

me : humph ..

me : dude, u there?

me : you just need to scroll up man.

not_me: yeah, u r right - come on over man.

me : ???

not_me : I will be lighting it up in a while. Also called some more folks.

me : Jooooooo !!

--- "me" *** disconnected from server ***

Sweet Valentine

2008-02-09T17:39:00.000+01:00

Wake up sweet valentine.

Petulance has given way to prejudice since loneliness left the driving seat to the futile dove.

The man submitted yet again for your happiness

All that counts is happiness.

I love you - My Hope

2008-02-04T23:22:00.001+01:00

The sun sets behind you
And it shines on me too
This view must be the highest beauty
And I know that light will pass
And the dark will fall
But I don't care about that now
No I don't care about that now

The days we spend
Searching, sometimes finding
If we die today, we should die smiling
And I know these times will be gone someday
But I don't care about that now
No I don't care about that now

What we believe, is what we believe
Faith, to give relief
And maybe all our truths will be lies someday
But I don't care about that now

I believe in love
Love believes in be
Though it tribulates
And my heart tests my sanity
And I know this love
Is gonna hurt some day
But I don't care about that now

The sun sets behind you

And I know that light will pass
And the dark will fall
But I don't care about that now

And I know these times will be gone someday
No I don't care about that now

And maybe all our truths will be lies someday
But I don't care about that now

And I know this love
Is gonna hurt some day
But I don't care about that now
I don't care about that now

I believe in love

I came across this very sumptous and endearing jazzy - ambient - chillout - psytrance track from Hird. Heard it, loved it and thought I should share it.

Eva

2008-01-20T01:38:00.000+01:00

Milestones whizzed by as he hit the needle. One reliable chick as he called his 1966 Fleetwood eldorado. Even in the damn cold it hummed full of energy. Like a soul that would never extinguish.

Dames are dames that's how he thought - but there was something more about this dame. The first time when they had met - when Tommy introduced her to him. There was something about her. She had class not the celebrity kind. The moment when he had touched her hand, felt her skin - the softness and tasted her mouth - the warmth , it was everything that he thought a dame needs to be. For him it was quite a feat to get her. The world called him junky until he hit the big jackpot by winnin the oil deal. And now the same dames come sniffing for money selling their body. He was tired - for he always knew he deserved to be loved. A kind of love which only he knew - which he could feel. He still remembered leaving her back at the airport - the last time they kissed. In the gray husky skies of New York - there was love. He swore that he would meet her - but this damn business. Now nothing mattered to him - all the money - millions of sq. ft of property all seemed useless. He was nothing without her - and he knew she loved him.

He hit the paddle, for one last stretch - he was short 100 miles when the phone rang. He hated it - never liked the new age honky tonkies. But he picked it clean and heard his mom. She asked him to stop by the side - there was news she said. He knew his mom wouldn't tell him for nothing if there wasn't somethin cookin up. He stopped by. And then he heard - what he had feared the worst.

Eva had committed suicide. No notes left - no last words. He knew the reason and he knew the solution. He was going to find her and get her back. He was late.

The morning sun was waking up the country side. He stood there motionless - while parked was his shiny ol' cadillac -

one reliable chick

Belgisch

2008-01-14T15:35:00.000+01:00

A bottle of Absinthe, Casio, WebCam, Chocolates, Wine glasses-plates and a ticket to brussels - I got 'em all. Not that I had expected any of those - but the most unexpected or rather "surprise" as most call it was the ticket to brussels. I was looking for a change - aprt from the same town and the few around. Luck permitted and it was a bright shiny day.

Bruxells apart from the usual "european" touch has a very unique vibe which I feel can only be experienced upon visit.

The streets - like - mazes all leading to mostly 6th - 16th century historical establishment, the city felt like one of the losing sides in the stride to 21st century post-modernisation and rather the old school kinds which still liked the laid back lifestyle.

The first stop was at a restaurant where I savoured myself with warm wafles with chocolate and banana along with some "moroccon" spice tea. From the restaurant we had a nice view of the grand market place - a place of utmost significance.

As time went along the streets started filling in. The shopping centers were full, the museum full and the marakan piss ;_) well - no place to get a photoshoot I must say.

I wanted to savor myself with some Belgisch food. So we went to a restaurant which promised us "authentic belgian food".

Had some rabbit meat along with an authentic belgian cocktail made out of Banana and scotch with mint flavour in it. It was just a little too tasty all of it.

The decorations - oh - the decorations, they were the ones which I feasted my eyes with the most. Almost anything and everything seemed to be so well articulated and demonstrated that it was nothing less than an experience and a stronger reason to visit Belgium.

Known to be the country which produces the finest chocolate (the Swiss get pissed off when this is said -but sadly thats the truth) I spent a good amount of time, money and taste buds to choose the fnest chocolates and chose plenty of those. As the day progressed to a cold evening, there was unbelievable number of people clogged on the street - to a point where there was absolutely no place to walk. The "free-hugs" campaign dude, was overwhelmed as well.

We were not sure what was gonna happen but soon it all came very clear. The rest I would leave you guys to savor. Am sure you will love the video - says it all.

Hallelujah ...

A gram of saliva

2008-01-14T01:18:00.000+01:00

From a ridicule to being ridiculed.
Being always ridiculed but never being able to ridicule
Ridicule the fact of being ridiculous
Ridicule the state of ridicule
And, live with the ridicule
The living - one; the acceptance another
All in a circle of ridicule.
where only the showman laughs
the rest - ridicule.

- says the joker - or does he ?

The Jamaican Curry

2007-10-27T13:50:00.000+02:00

Yesterday was a very special day .. haha! am sure I have already mentioned it a million times. This place and this country continues to surprise me every day and till now almost all of 'em have been pleasant.

I was informed by my friend from Germany about a Gyptian concert. Well .. due to the confusion of not understanding the German - English accent over phone, I thought its just another Egyptian theme parties that's happening in town. My exam got over on Thursday and any invitation to a party was more than a welcome to me.

Well there were many surprises which came along as time went by. I reached the pub, to find out that it was 16 euros for a ticket to the concert .. and I knew it wasn't really an "Egyptian - theme party. Also had a look at the board outside which said at Gyptian - A reggae band from Jamaica. So I was all set to witness something which would definitely hold as one of the most special experience in my life. I was about to witness the first concert in Holland !

As Russell Peters said on one of his standups, "Everyone wanted to be a Jamaican. They were so cool .. with the red-yellowand the green t-shirts, smokin weed, giving birth to kids they never knew about .. there was always something very cool about Jamaicans" these words were ringing in my head and I was all so much more excited to witness how the show proceeded.

Part of the reason I was at the concert was the fact that my friend is an Afro-European mix. Her dad's from Zimbabwe while her mom is from Germany. She also listens to loads of reggae. To me it was the first glimpse of the very small African community at Holland and getting a chance to be a part of the party.

As you'd have guessed by now, it was all happening. Long beard with the Dreadlocks, fashinong bob marley, smokin weed and just moving to the rythm of reggae, cloud of smoke encircling the entire arena, girls with dreadlocks, piercings and giant tattoos .. it was all happening. I was only a mere observer - not perturbed but sure enough surprised and deep inside enjoying it all.

The band started off with an introduction of where they were from. A bass guitarist, lead, drummer, two on the keyboards, one percussionist and one on the saxophone. It was rich in music - as in the musical content, lyrically brilliant and the vibe in the place was unreal. People were havin a good time, moving their bodies to the rythm, girls near the stage going crazy about the lead singer .. all of it.

The band introduced themselves as representatives of a very beautiful country in south america while singing along to the words. The bass guitarist I must say was the funkiest of the lot. With a weird haircut and an awesome guitar with by faar the most radical design that I have witnessed, he was shredding the strings like there's gonna be no tomorrow.

The lead singer came a little later about 10 mins later. A very charming personality and a true showman, he sang most of the songs with the interlude as "theeess sounng goz to da laadeez". The songs as they came by led to an addiction of dancing to the tunes. It was not hip-hop, it was neither r&b, it was reggae and it was impossible to stand still in that place.

Well, what can I say more .. I invited my friend from Germany and one more guy from Jamaica who was brought up in London for dinner at my place the next day. We had nice food and exchanged music.

Looks like I am in love with reggae :)

www.gyptian.com

Maria

2007-09-27T00:38:00.000+02:00

I feel the breeze while whisking past milestones

Too many thoughts crossing my mind, too long a journey

Its getting late though I am in no hurry

They’re playing Dylan on the radio, a rare luxury

“things have changed” says Dylan – sure they have

Life always gave me what I needed but never gave me what I wanted

Whats the point thinking too much? – just go with it

I stop by the lonely milestone – overlooking the rainbow

It was raining now there’s sunshine

I pulled over to have a view, lit up a smoke

Its these lonely moments which I have begun to love

A form of love created out of crisis, superficially imposed

The subtleness and the silence of the place makes me cry

But my concious is ridiculing me

I stare at the arctic terns, flying flawlessly year after year

It seems they know the end of the rainbow

I feel numb, for there has been silence for too long

My spine shook for the chill in the wind.

I was there at the place I had to be

Given time, given hour, given day

The place had all the fervor – with the usual pomp and show

I had my folks – a few of them who came to wish me luck

But strangely it did not feel right

She looked like an angel with the dazzling white attire

Clearly an envy to millions, and a pride to the significant few

The oath took place but I shook

Something which upset me and the many around

I could not agree, for it never felt right

A reasoning which I had answers to but never felt the need to explain

So I bid adieu to Maria, while hands clasped, she stood with tears rolling down

I put a smile on my face and got on my cadillac

It was time to leave, it was getting late

Closing Time

2007-09-05T21:13:00.000+02:00

It is quite disappointing when I think of it. It is evident, factual and real. I am witnessing it, yet not able to do anything on the regard. As strange as it may seem, I am losing quite a few of special ones in my life, at an alarming rate.

When I say loss I do not specifically mean the physical loss, but it is mostly a personal loss. A loss which is not an official statement but something which is felt and (probably) repented, but only within. I am among the many others who is simplistic while conceptualising abstract terminologies of friendship and love. With that in account I am frankly, going through a tough phase already. Call it wrong time, call it destiny but it is happening and there’s nothing that I can do about it other than witness in despair.It was in my young days when I sensed the loss of friendship and trust. Something which made me stronger and imparted a philosophy in me that, any person – I mean any person who comes along in my life as a companion on physical, mental or emotional lines is not to be taken for granted. They are not god’s gifts or I am not the person who’s gonna thank god for that. I was destined to know them. That’s the beginning and also the end of the myth which sorrounds – “the first love and first time meeting”. The rest are very factual and a long process strengthened only from time to time. Like the land which needs to be given better and better manure from time to time for thhe optimum fertility. It requires a substantial amount of effort. But it was this principle which has back-fired on me. The same people whom I worked upon to maintain a long friendship seem to find comfort in distancing from me. A comfort sorrounded by a cloud of discomfort probably. Maybe its a trade-off. It pains me to know that because I start doubting my abilities. A zone of uncomfortable silence – the point when there’s too much conversation happening evven in the deafning silence. The various thoughts crossing your mind and leading to a state of doubting the other person around you. I have outgrown all of them and have them all in my control thereby giving me a clear vision of the path ahead. Yet I have people who seem to be forcing themselves to stay acquainted to me. Just like the usual discomfort of the one who starts the conversation always and watches the conversation end much to his discomfort.

I have a few folks who did try explaining to me with the fact that this is a common phenomena, people change, life moves on. Life is moving on – and frankly even if I wanted it not to it aint gonna listen to me. So where’s thhe justification. It is – according to me – the moments that live for ever. That specific conversation on one specific day. But with the parting – I am forcing myself to remember the moments thereby entering the apathy of “life moves on” phase. The very thought of forcing yourself to keep something going is a signal of something gone wrong. Yet I love and live to do it coz to me its the moments which have a voice that I can hear.

HE told me to tell YOU

2007-09-03T23:39:00.000+02:00

do what I say stupid little girl
I am your god

It's not my fault, HE made me one

this screaming in my head
I'm not to blame

HE chose to, distance me from you

stupid little girl you don't know
what you see isn't me

it's your burden now
you will always
end up remembering

me

YOU have chosen to

Christmas in India

2007-06-14T10:21:00.000+02:00

Dim dawn behind the tamerisks -- the sky is saffron-yellow --

As the women in the village grind the corn,

And the parrots seek the riverside, each calling to his fellow

That the Day, the staring Easter Day is born.

Oh the white dust on the highway! Oh the stenches in the byway!

Oh the clammy fog that hovers

And at Home they're making merry 'neath the white and scarlet berry --

What part have India's exiles in their mirth?

Full day begind the tamarisks -- the sky is blue and staring --

As the cattle crawl afield beneath the yoke,

And they bear One o'er the field-path, who is past all hope or caring,

To the ghat below the curling wreaths of smoke.

Call on Rama, going slowly, as ye bear a brother lowly --

Call on Rama -- he may hear, perhaps, your voice!

With our hymn-books and our psalters we appeal to other altars,

And to-day we bid "good Christian men rejoice!"

High noon behind the tamarisks -- the sun is hot above us --

As at Home the Christmas Day is breaking wan.

They will drink our healths at dinner -- those who tell us how they love us,

And forget us till another year be gone!

Oh the toil that knows no breaking! Oh the Heimweh, ceaseless, aching!

Oh the black dividing Sea and alien Plain!

Youth was cheap -- wherefore we sold it.

Gold was good -- we hoped to hold it,

And to-day we know the fulness of our gain.

Grey dusk behind the tamarisks -- the parrots fly together --

As the sun is sinking slowly over Home;

And his last ray seems to mock us shackled in a lifelong tether.

That drags us back how'er so far we roam.

Hard her service, poor her payment -- she is ancient, tattered raiment --

India, she the grim Stepmother of our kind.

If a year of life be lent her, if her temple's shrine we enter,

The door is hut -- we may not look behind.

Black night behind the tamarisks -- the owls begin their chorus --

As the conches from the temple scream and bray.

With the fruitless years behind us, and the hopeless years before us,

Let us honor, O my brother, Christmas Day!

Call a truce, then, to our labors -- let us feast with friends and neighbors,

And be merry as the custom of our caste;

For if "faint and forced the laughter," and if sadness follow after,

We are richer by one mocking Christmas past.

Aura of Silence

2007-06-14T10:16:00.000+02:00

Two hours past midnight

A hard day's work, or was it?

Too many thoughts, too few reasons

Assumptions/Presumption/Facts ?

Blunt thoughts, cannot hide a banal conception

A day dreamer? maybe !

Far too cold despite the scotch

Smoke filled, ventilation - a far cry

Pipe leak .. splits the head

The thoughts .. optimistic/skeptic

Damn the silence .. too weak for sound

The child whines from the room adjacent

No one to complain .. innocent ?

Endless mist

Great jobs? Good money? A lousy wife?

Prepared for the worst?

Too late for love? Too retarded? probably

“Accuse me, if you will, of melodramatic embroidery” - Erskine Childers

False patho

Infatuation no more

Nothing to lose, too much to gain

One last smoke

The distance, the silence

Petulant dreams

Summer Bride

2007-06-13T11:23:00.000+02:00

In the midst of the scorching heat
Blew a cold wind across Earth's face
The frosted snow on hills doth make
The icing on the celebration cake

Oh bride named summer
Arise away, for the season has changed
For it is time to celebrate
For today is a special day

Listen how the bells are ringing
The whole new life of Nature's singing
See features in the world's new face
A fresh demeanor, sweetness, grace

Oh bride named summer
Arise away for the season has changed
For it is time to celebrate
For today is a special day

I welcome forth the special guests
Flowers and plants, the chicks in the nest
For the day has come and a whole new phase
A season of celebration, a season full of grace

This Modern Love

2007-04-04T18:00:00.001+02:00

To be lost in the forest
To be cut adrift
You've been trying to reach me
You bought me a book
I've been paid

Don't get offended
If I seem absent minded
Just keep telling me facts
And keep making me smile

Don't get offended
If I seem absent minded
I get tongue-tied
Baby, you've got to be more discerning
I've never known what's good for me
Baby, you've got to be more demanding
I will be yours

I'll pay for you anytime

You told me you wanted to eat up my sadness
Well jump on, enjoy, you can gorge away
You told me you wanted to eat up my sadness
Jump right
Baby, you've got to be more discerning
I've never known what's good for me
Baby, you've got to be more demanding
Jump left

What are you holding out for?
What's always in the way?
Why so damn absent-minded?
Why so scared of romance?

This modern love breaks me
This modern love wastes me

Do you wanna come over and kill some time?
Tell me facts
Throw your arms around me
- Bloc Party

Coffee Talks

2006-12-15T23:15:00.000+01:00

A test

Can't understand from the casual talk

A shooting star, moments of infatuation

Curled hair, heavy eyes,

In a group, frequent moments of desperation

The crowd disperses, some continue

Woes unheard, lies all around, impersonation

Wanting to be alone, but not daring to

Uncertain of the first move, ego in despair

can't let it go, a rare rendezvous

A precious rendezvous

Just the two of us, silent, uncomfortable

And the dull drizzle

Unplanned

Time runs out, stupid society

The phone rings, damn the drink ..

Work, home, work .. lured weekend

The usual text messages .. the usual talk

Obscure minds ...

Mind games ... stupid mind games ...

We hate, enjoy, desire .. the mind games

A presumption, an anticipation ... A silver lining

A treat with the devil

2006-12-04T06:35:00.000+01:00

Life has been a mixture of uncertainties and I was often a victim of it due to me being unprepared. I craved throughout to inhibit the aura of confidence which I carry or rather propose to carry myself with. However every man has his limits in expecting the wildest and weirdest imaginations and I admit my limits unless of course if I get a chance to be in the leading role of the X-files where I am bred to expect the unexpected.

It all started with an innocent approach from me to have a cup of tea along with the infamous "Paneer Parota" at one of my favorite food joints in IITKanpur. Beneath the facts of realm of my very limited number of friends/acquaintances here at the remote section of Uttar Pradesh, I did not have much option but to call one .

Hello am I speaking to ...

Yes ...

Hi, this is rajat here,

Yes Rajat tell me ..

Are you busy or something? If that's the case I will probably call you later..

(A response which I could not understand due to the indigenius network conditions of the cellular providers)

me - Well that ok. I guess you are busy. I will call you some other day..

Nope not a problem go ahead.

(And the wrong move from me due to the countless efforts which had turned to ashes in dismay)

Well ..... I am quite hungry and just needed to know if you could treat me at (my favourite hangout place here at campus)

Ok not a problem. Just gimme a "Missed call" and I will come over.

Sure .. bye

Bye ..

In a way I was elated with the ridiculous approach in actually calling a female to just have a cup of tea with me and succeeding thereby.

Had had a very tiring game of badminton with my friend and was dying to take a shower before heading out to the world outside. During this time, I received a call from her,

Hello

yes, rajat here ..

Hi, well do this ... just come opposite to HALL-6 (FYI... that's the girl's hostel) and gimme a missed call.

Sure no problem .. bye

bye ..

I was opposite to a hostel uncertain if that was HALL-6. However confirmed the same from the security guard. His blood-shot eyes with a smirk on his face ensured a chill down my spine. I waited for a while, still no one turns up. The security guard turns suspicious and gives a cold stare at me for the never ending 120 seconds. I was staring at a pot hole watching a squirrel trying to dig into something appreciating its innocence and the obvious comfort zone which it enjoyed. I envied its comfort for I was not.

It was at this juncture of time, she comes walking straight at me and greeted me,

Hi .. how are you?

Am great .. so can we go to HALL-4?

No no .. come in ..

WHAT ??? .. OK !!

A weird feeling troubled me incessantly with the thought that somehow things were not happening the way they were supposed to.

I parked my cycle and followed her like the imaginary tail uncertain of where we were heading to. She led me to the entry of the HALL and asked me to follow her to a place which resembled the food junction at every hostel here at IITKanpur. I had a strange feeling which soon turned out to be true.

She entered some information on a register and upon inquiry of the person standing stated that I am a guest in this place. I felt good considering that a brat from Bangalore was actually treated as a guest at the girl's hostel. I asked her if we are leaving now to have a cup of tea? The next few seconds of conversation proved that I was again not prepared for the unexpected,

me - Hey .. listen we are leaving right?

but you said you are hungry and wanted me to treat you?

Listen it is not funny ... we can go now .. shall we?

Naah .. I am your host and I also know that you have never been to girl's hostel .. so we are having dinner here at the mess ..

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT ??? No impossible ... not happening ... this is so .. not happening

Well it was inevitable to say the least.. I was holding a plate amid a company of about 12 girls and one boy (that'd be me), filling up my tray with the food. I was turning dizzy, the stares from the servers, the people in the small room all of whom were girls (about 10 of them) and also a girl's mom giving me a look of disgust. I choked on my first morsel of food, trying to push it down my throat which had turned dry.

I just wanted to run out of the place and throw up.

She had just one thing to say to the discomfort which I was in with an uncontrollable laughter, a feeling which she had planned so well and executed so flawlessly. She just continued to say the famous lingo of a well known food joint worldwide " I AM LOVING IT", the place where we had met the first time, the first time when I had talked too much probably much to her discomfort. A sweet revenge of sorts.

Now it was her turn to talk, to laugh uncontrollably looking at my troubled expressions, for I was a silent listener, a guest of the devil.

Revolution Unfurled

2006-09-29T11:13:00.000+02:00

Necessity is the mother of invention, they say. This saying which holds a lot of rationale often continues to mesmerize me when I think of its practicalities.

In the new world necessity is leading to a revolution. Revolution on the verge of an eruption, like the suspicious volcanic site. I am referring to the new age homo-sapiens, who aspire to be global citizens without compromising their identities.

Though Darwin’s theory of survival of the fittest seems to be going strong, the various parameters deciding one’s fitness in the society seems to differ. Every man has a self motive. While some demonstrate it openly (good or evil) and get appropriate designations for their behaviors, the rest prefer to stay silent for they fear their identity might one day prove to be a weakness. One claims to respect the anthem by telling that he takes pride in respecting the anthem, the other tries to be different for the fear of committing. The fear to commitment, to promise, to assure, to stand along, to hold hand, to help. However as any sociologist would accept this fact, this was inevitable. I take pride in being one among this creed while feeling ashamed to say the least.

While the society mourns beside the shrine of the culture and heritage once existent, an equal lot welcomes the change. The ones who amplify the crisis become famous among the passive and infamous among the aggressive. The passive sees it as a noble motive for it promises security while the non-passive sees it as an obstruction. The silent onlooker claims it unethical and irrational for he claims to be in the herd of broad-minded horses. This frustration oozes out abruptly like the raging froth out mug of beer wrongly filled. This leads to a revolution, a civil war.

However with such varsity of infected minds and an equally supportive media which loves to juice out the worst for the best, was a revolution inevitable? Was it asked for? Expected?

What would it mean to win or lose a war which does not promise any outcome? An outcome which would neither satisfy the passive nor the non-passive?

Not too sure how far the revolution might help but victory is assured for something inevitable, something simple, something fundamental yet undeniable.

Darwin’s theory.

Pink

2006-06-09T17:42:00.000+02:00

It has been 30 minutes since I’ve been trying to park my ass on this chair at my cubicle. We just moved into this new building and to my disappointment the entire floor is also named the “SPINE BLOCK”.

There were some weird surveys done over the World Wide Web about the right ambience for effective synergy in a team with the best throughput, to my suspicion my manager fell for it. He is the brainchild behind the team moving to this new mess (or work location as they call). Continues to amaze me why the managers get such a good pay?

As I moved in the office early in the morning I gave the dry sarcastic smile to quench the hypocrites (colleagues as they call) only to find to my amazement that my sole companion was missing. They had kidnapped my PC and the ransom required me to move to a different location. A very high price to pay indeed but I had to abide to it.

I asked my lead about where I need to go (now that my PC was gone). It took about 10 minutes before I got a response from her with the prior excuse that she was caught up with something IMPORTANT. Well with an iota of suspicion pricking my already troubled brain of a loss of job, I was left quite startled. I went back to my old cubicle (just adjacent to my lead’s work place) and sat on my chair staring at the wall – there was no monitor to look at. For a moment I remembered the classic scene of Elmer’s head turning into a Jack ass while Bugs Bunny escaped being his shooting target. I could feel some hair creeping up on my forehead and my ears prolonged to staggering heights.

My lead called me to her desk while seated. Like an ass I limped forward uncertain of the hurdles ahead.

She said that I was moved onto this new block also known as the “SPINE BLOCK”. She also assured that my system was restored and shifted to S-21. There was a sigh of relief. The ass just got an assurance of HIS existence in the organization. The hurdles ahead only remained a mystery.

I was given some weird instructions from my team-lead about the route to perdition. I was devastated since I held some attachment to the floor I worked before. It was a storage plant for the largest set of male duffers and female bimbos. That clearly made me the place a comfort zone. It also hosted the only beautiful (or somewhere in the vicinity of it) girl of the entire organization. Well I had to leave all that behind.

The first step into the block shot an electric jolt all the way from the top of my spine till the ground below. The smell of wet paint made its presence felt quite clearly. For once the urge to murder the interior designer crept onto my wounded “SPINE”. I was awestruck with the color code, the banners and the breach of privacy that was so clearly evident. Pink never fascinated me as a color or as the pop star who lives but this could well be called the “CANDY” block than its SPINAL counterpart. There were weird wildflowers all over the place with a tri-band of Pink, Violet and grey hue. To add to it there were banners of cell phone etiquettes and also on health tips for the entire fiscal year ahead.

At 9:52 AM on a sweaty Monday, I stared at the 21st tentacle of the SPINE blankly at the void monitor. I fixed my I-pod to my ear and started listening to yellow (COLDPLAY). Despite the fact that I have valid issues with the color yellow the song for that moment splashed an imaginary coat of Yellow paint on the walls. The sudden joy, the instant rejuvenation, the aroma of pleasure kicked away the pink pain that resided. My pod got out of charge.

The day’s work had only begun. It was a 9 hour shift. The day was pink.

Better Man

2006-06-07T06:21:00.000+02:00

In the melodrama I stood nervous as the warden called me. The face unfamiliar yet whimsy but I suspect. I clung to my mother as she tried to oppress her sorrow. She knew I would not separate her yet she pushed for she thought, I need be a better man.

As I aligned my steps away from the known, the thunders crushed my ear, gory clouds subduing the sweet horizon. I ran back for shelter, to hide in her cradle, but she was gone. I was due to be a better man.

Endless nights I clot to the pillow, no excerpts from “Panchatantra” no kings no queens no demons. I wept in an uncertain world, a world lonely a world uncanny.

One day I receive a message that she was no more.

There were no tears; I was due to be a better man.

A decade whisked as the fear iterated. This time familiar, for it was my son. He hung to the jacket and bit my dirty denim. As tiny pearls rolled down the rose petals as I missed a beat. The gentle nudge from me was a sign of emancipation, was a request, for it was his turn.

He was due to be a better son, a better man.

“My brother was off to a boarding school at the age of 9 and my dad was there to say good bye”

A work of fixxion

2006-04-25T01:57:00.000+02:00

It was mid December and the chilly weather conditions were perfect for a long night’s sleep. Dipping the hot Pakoda in the ketchup I savored the taste while watching Frasier on the Television. It was the perfect setting for a long nights sleep. To make me feel better mom also made me hot Darjeeling tea, something which my dad got from Siliguri just a week back. I couldn’t have expected a better day in winter. As I saw Frasier’s dog pissing on his Pajamas while he was sleeping I couldn’t help but laugh my lungs out. But the phone started ringing out of the bloom. I started searching frantically for my cell phone through multiple layers of shawls I was drowned in. I could feel my ass vibrating for a moment, oh yes, I sure was sitting on it !!

It was my manager. He wanted me to come to the office. Some goof up in the product release and I couldn’t say no. He also stated to have set-up a cab for me and said the driver would be calling me soon. At the end he however remembered his communication etiquettes and asked me “if it was ok with me?? “.

I maintained coherence and responded in a tone which would make him feel glad. End of December was my appraisal. Damn this work, I hate it!!

My mom felt bad about me leaving at 10PM. To make me feel better she gave me hot Gulab Jamoons, didn’t make me feel better though.

The phone rang at 10:05 PM sharp. It was the cab driver; he was waiting outside the gate. There was however a nervousness in his voice. I wasn’t sure why but I was keen to.

It was too damn cold outside. I had put on the sweat shirt over a T-shirt but still could feel the ice cold wind sneaking through and pricking my body. I sat inside the cab and could feel instant warmth. I felt better.

The cab driver was quite a close buddy of me. He had taken me many a times. He soon shot a question to me “Sir, You’d said you’ll be on leave? Then why work Sir?”

I nodded lazily “It’s work man. They do not understand leaves, even my manager doesn’t understand.”

“What about you? How’s your work going on? Must’ve got used to driving throughout the night huh??”

He responded in anger “That new boss Sir. He is a fucker Sir, makes us work so much! One boss says drive slow, wear belt. The other says travel 20 kms in 30 mins. What to do Sir? They no understand traffic Sir and this recent murder and rape”

“What??? What are you talking about? Who, when, what where?” – I was startled.

“What Sir. You engineers so called Sir. Don’t read newspaper uh? Sir one girl from our company got raped and murdered by a driver Sir. Yesterday Sir. Very bad Sir, that girls’ parents full crying and all Sir. That driver, I don’t know who Sir…. That shameless son of a bitch … made our life hell. “

I froze for a while. There were a couple of calls from my parents asking me if I had raped the girl from my company. Assuming it only as one of the classic disgusting jokes I hung up. Now I was quite clearly taken back by this entire information. I pitied the driver too.

“So are they sending out some security or something in the cab?” – I was curious.

“Yes Sir. Some security and all Sir! They come, they sleep. What security Sir? Even if I rape the girl he won’t wake up…. Ha ha ha… Now they’ve asked me to also pick up one more girl Sir. See no security in my cab. They don’t care if anyone dies Sir. All mother fuckers. My boss is the biggest mother fucker of all Sir”

I didn’t find it funny though!

The driver took a diversion in a gloomy road at BTM layout. A bunch of dogs chased the cab quite a lot barking all the way long before losing hope. The driver took a diversion again into an adjoining road. I checked my cell phone. No signal. I wasn’t feeling good. It had been quite some time since I had been in the same cab but I couldn’t trace what was going through the driver’s mind. The evil grin which he passes as he had passed during his earlier conversations did not make me feel all that good. What did he mean by making such an absurd statement? Why was there no security in the cab while there was a female to be picked up at 11PM in the night? I could sense some trouble ahead, but alas … I could only sit back and wait for the events to unfold.

He stopped at a deserted place on the outskirts of BTM. As he honked in front of a ladies’ PG there was sound of foot steps on the wooden staircase.

“Even these ladies Sir. What dress they wear? I don’t feel all that bad when the girl was raped. They should not dress that way Sir. In the night Sir that too … we are human beings after all Sir… “ – the driver muttered.

I was in no mood to argue with the driver. I just wanted to reach office without witnessing a murder/rape scene!

The girl peeped through the small opening in the window.

“Can I come in please?”

I could feel the aroma of the girl. She wasn’t too interested to sit beside the driver. Not too sure how far she felt secure sitting beside me, she did not have a choice though.

We were back on track. As the driver screeched beneath the night sky there was fogging on the lonely NH-7. Apart from the rare one or two trucks following the slow lane there wasn’t a thing on the way. It was a long way to office, clearly 30 minutes at the least.

She spoke up finally and asked the driver,

“Bhaiah, no securities? Why so? They said they’ll send one? “

The driver responded “What madam? What security? I am in hp for 10 years now! Why security? I am not that kind of person and all?”

She was taken aback by his absurd comment.

I couldn’t help noticing her bosom oozing out of the tight light blue top which she was fashioning. Her eyes were lovely and she seemed quite comfortable even while wearing the torn jeans. Damn… she was hot!!

She took out the flappable mirror from her cute little leather purse and started painting her lips. In the dull moon light, I could see the shine on her lips, the way she carelessly caressed her hair. She took out a tissue and there was a imprint of her lips on it moments later.

Give me a break …. What the fuck is she thinking after all? This entire ambience was choking me. When will the girls learn? For Christ sake, a girl was raped only yesterday and here I have a pin-up model turned software engineer …

I initiated,

“Well, which unit do you work at? Is it a regular working hour for you?”

She replied

“Yes, I am more of a nocturnal creature … you know what I mean??”

She seemed amused by the comments she made.

“What do you think about nocturnal creatures? You don’t like them eh? The creatures in the dark coming back to life while the whole world sleeps?”

I could feel her closeness at this point of time. It made me feel stuffy. She was good… not the right time..

I smiled back uneasily “Well I prefer creatures in the bright day light.”

“Oh come on! I know how naughty the creatures get in the night… don’t you miss all the fun in the night?? I mean … day light is so boring … you know what I mean … don’t you??”

I knew exactly what she meant but I pretended to stay out of this conversation.

“Did you get to know the recent rape and murder of the girl? It seems her body was cut into several pieces and thrown into a ditch.”

I cooked up the last part but delivered it well.

“Oh yes I heard about it. I felt pretty bad about it too. The girls in our PG were all so scared to go out you know… Oh my God! What was the driver thinking?”

She moved her arms quite a bit even within the congested seating of the TATA Indica. The expressions, the very body language …

It just slipped out of my mouth, “Guess the driver was only a nocturnal creature who got a bit too naughty!! Ha ha ha!!”

“You think that’s funny you prick. What kind of a lousy dick are you? Don’t you have a sister or someone at home? What makes you think like that?”

I wanted to jump out of the car.

“It was only a joke. You don’t have to take it all that seriously right?” – I begged.

“I will make your life a living hell you piece of shit. You think this is funny. Its people like you who are the root to all this. I am going to complain this to the HR tonight. You heard me right wise boy … tonight!!” – her nose turning red (made her look sexier though!)

Yeah right… A sexy brunette with torn jeans and sleeveless skin tight top with a shower of Calvin Klein talking of menaces in the society. I had to keep quite.

“Please I request you not to inform the HR. try to understand that I am a new joinee and looking forward to a bright future. I also have a mom to take care of at home” – filmy lines, but had to try it.

“Stop it man stop it… The very moment you set your eyes on me while I was smearing the lipstick, you are such a dick. Its this lust which needs to be curbed… time has come for a change ... and you... you made a big mistake brother. “

I wanted to cry but could not. I entered my cubicle and started drafting my resignation letter on my Outlook. This was bad.
That bitch!

one sentence from me made her complain to the HR. Even if she’s raped I’d care a damn. What was I thinking??

“Oh almighty… why me??”

4 hours passed. My manager was still stuck up in a meeting while I was stuck up with naukri.com.

Opening in a reputed MNC (onsite in 5 weeks time from joining).

I went for a cup of coffee. I wanted to bid adieu to my dear vending machine. It always served me the right coffee at right times. I knew this would be my last cup.

“Still angry with me Romeo?”

I turned around and froze.

“Oh come on. What made you think I was gonna complain the HR? I am sure he’d have asked me out for a dinner while I tried to complain… ha ha ha”

I was not gonna take any more chances with this witch.

“It wasn’t funny miss … “ - just shot my right hand forward.

She shook my hand . . .

"Can we be friends now??”

“Yeah sure… Just friends.” - I shivered..

Bangalore Jarred!!

2006-04-17T13:31:00.000+02:00

Namma Bengaluru namma hemme

Bangalore, the IT-Capital of India, the once Garden city of India is where I live. This is the same city where once my dad used to ride his bi-cycle reading the works of “BEECHEE” on the infamous M.G. Road. The same city where Koramangla was a place to stay away from since there were burglaries in the day light for it was densely covered with trees. The same city where Vijaynagar was not known to many let alone Kengeri or Girinagar.

The work-warehouse, the IT-Hub, the unofficial food capital of India, Bangalore has etched a mark in the global map. The city which witnesses a cultural explosion attracting people from all corners of India is also one of the safest cities to move around in the night an achievement in its own terms.

As I stare moronically at the pickle jar lying in front of me now, I get a weird relevance of it with Bangalore. The pickle in the jar can only be appreciated once the lid is opened giving way for the aroma to seep in. However to savor it one needs to take the trouble of opening up the lid. However if one needs all the pleasure without actually making an effort he is clearly on the losing side. The pickle however is at the same time very delicate with only salt as a preservative. A fool would never know the dire effects of dripping curd or water in it only to lament later, witnessing an empire of fungi. The wise man would realize his mistake and avoid repeating while the fool would only blabber about the quality of the pickle.

As the pickle encompasses the hidden beauty of Bangalore it is again too tender to only be spoilt by an immature fool who fails to realize his mistakes and wastes time in blaming the system.

Any complaints now ???

Trip to Udupi

2006-04-11T16:08:00.000+02:00

Hi All,

Here are some sweet moments which I thought I would want to share
with you people during my visit to Udupi.

The visit was mainly intended for attending the wedding of Pavitra's
sister's marriage.

While Krupa, Sindhu and Nandeesh had left to Udupi a day before
along with another girl from GXS, I had to leave with Rohit only on
the next day. We effectively left on 3rd Night on our way to the
land of "Kanaka" and of-course the land so close to Manipal
(heehaw).

Well we caught a bus at 9Pm from Mysore and as the tag "AIR BUS" in
the ultra-cool fonts signified... We were on air throughout the
journey. While Rohit was scared of breaking his legs (which he
narrated a zillion times) I was finding it impossible to position
myself for a sleep. All in all the night was spent with Chaudhary
getting nightmares of the repercussions after the accident and how
it would affect the economy and me deciding to sacrifice one of the
two arms and the sharks eating me up while I try swimming single
handed in the sea.

Well we finally fell asleep at about 3AM while the scheduled arrival
timing was at 6:30 AM. Chaudhary heard the conductor screaming Udupi
on its arrival and tried to wake me up I smoothly stayed away from
all the trouble of waking up and getting down at the cost of ruining
the little bit of sleep that I could manage to obtain. This resulted
in 2 things:

1. We being thrown out of the bus 30 kms ahead
2. We being abused in TULU by the conductor
3. We, being looked at like losers by the passengers.

Nice ways to kick start the trip indeed.

Well we caught a bus and reached our accommodation organized by
KOYAL (you know who??) We woke up the rest of the crew. Our very
zeal of "YO DUDE LETS HIT THE BEACH ASAP" didn't work out all that
well because the girls needed to get ready (alas).

Well we made it to Malpe beach (the closest) and were in the water
for about 5 hours. Me and Nandeesh had had enough salt water and
decided upon a different drink. So after quenching our thirst at the
resort we were back to the action on the beach. We followed up later
to the same resort by having our lunch and of course I and Nandeesh
further quenching our thirst by having (you know what!!)

All these led to:
1.
2. Krupa's face varying over 4 different colors
3. Chaudhary with a nice Spanish Tomato skin
4. Me … Beyond recognition

We started heading back to our rooms since there was a big show in
the evening. Guess what! It was Pavitra's live performance on stage.

After the blunder of getting shaved from a local barber and screwing
up my face more than ever before I took bath and got ready for the
BIG night.

As we went to the venue we saw many people in vibrant colors wearing
clothes well suited for the night. As the show picked up the tempo
we had an announcement from Pavitra's father on stage proudly asking
his daughter to come on stage and dance for the song "RA RA…"

You guys missed it all trust me. She was amazing. Though I
personally had an instant crush on the stranger girl who
danced "DHOOM"!!! I felt Pavitra stole the show.

The outcome:

1. My eyes and mouth wider than ever before.
2. Chaudhary's whistles louder than ever before.

Well it worked out so well that there was an encore for the
performance with our dear "KOYAL" partnering with Krupa for a dance
performance on "DOLA RE DOLA RE".
We were asked to go up on stage too during the dance.

The outcome:

1. Rajesh again stealing the show(Damn he's good)
2. My belly being exposed to its original grandeur after a few
tough "DO LA RE" twists.
3. The disgusted looks on the face of my "DHOOM" !!
4. Chaudhary causing concern to Pavitra's father of the
possibility of breaking the stage.
5. The entire young crowd up on stage and dancing along with
Pavitra's Sister and "BAVA" who too danced.

Man it was fun …

We couldn't do much the same night and went ahead for a good night's
sleep.

It was the big day the next day. It was the wedding day!

After our early morning shopping of the gift we were all set to go
to the kalyana Mantap. I had some extra shine gel on my head which I
thought made me look extra cool. However after repeated failures of
not being able to establish eye contact with the DHOOM girl… I lost
hope.

The wedding was spectacular. Pavitra was dressed up in a dazzling
blue color saree making her one of the prettiest face around. In
case if you could manage reading the doc till now... SALUDOS!!!
Pavitra

Well it was time for food and good old Chaudhary wanted to have
quite a lot. I remember sitting beside him and gobbling up 2
Jehangirs along with quite a lot of rice. He tasted all the menus
and tasted all extra. As I was reaching the end of my meal I held
the Jehangir in the mouth and the first bite yelled me a crashing
noise. Unable to imagine that a jehangir can be so tasty I felt of
sharing my happiness with rohit only to find him on floor breaking
the leg of the chair. Man he had had a lot of food …

I still pitied the state of Chaudhary with the Mangalore oldies
laughing at him. Well its after all a chair and it was his mistake
not to have determined the max weight it can resist.

Pavitra didn't budge to say to us "please eat properly" since she
knew we would.

We sure did!!!

It was time of the day when the disgusting feeling of going to work
the following day filled my mind. To add to the disgust I saw the
DHOOM girl with another Mangy dude. Well things weren't happening
the way I expected them to!!!

After the heavy lunch we decided to visit the world renowned temple
at Udupi. Rohit did a lot of soul searching activity while I found
the place clean, calm and fragrant. Worth the visit.

After praying to lord Krishna for my families well being and the
resignation of my project manager I thought it's time for Manipal.

We met Rajesh's brother at Manipal the same evening, our last visit
before heading back to Bangalore at 9PM.

I had many observations while at Manipal:
1. Rajesh's brother spoke sense, while the former never.
2. Manipal is probably the nearest tropical paradise.
3. I forgot the DHOOM girl.
4. Sea food is cheap and quite tasty.

It was time to head back to hell.

With the simplicity in life that was so visible at Udupi with the
chants from the temple and the 20 year old elephant which refused to
eat the bananas since it was full!!! I found Udupi just the right
place for a visit any time of the year (maybe not in summer).

Rohit said a lot about posting a blog regarding this trip. You can
check up later if you really intend to!!

All in all I missed many more of my friends… the entire (vyaa!!)
group. With you people it would have been fun.

We are all in the corporate industry which really doesn't entertain
leaves or personal time and space. However I feel its possible at
times to try and work out for a leave so that we can get together.

There's a lot to be said, lot to be discussed and a lot to be
remembered.

- Captain Casanova Signing off …

Monkey Business

2006-04-07T04:29:00.000+02:00

In 1859, Charles Darwin published "The origin of Species" which became the basis for the modern day theory of evolution. While the primates came onto this planet from the point of Rama-pithecus, Australo-pithecus to ***-pithecus there has always been a constant evolution in terms of a greater adpatability to the environment and a thrive for existence on this planet.

The Oran-Utan being the oldest primates which is currently endangered, the topic of discussion would be the more familiar (not in the vicinity of being termed endangered!) "monkeys" !!

While they are public menace at times, they got lucky. It was in the ages of Gods and Devils, kings and queens, Sages and well ... animals, that a lookalike of the present day monkeys dared to take a leap over 7 seas to save the Heroine. In the process he also lit his tail which burnt for eternity until being the fuel to destroy the land of the devils (courtesy: Ramayana). It however astonishes me that the supernatural monkeys again seem to follow the Darwin's theory of evolution. The monkeys of present day might not light up their tails but sure do light up cigarettes in the zoo ! I would only differ them from the present day humans in terms that their body isn't all that covered and they have some serious issues with itching ! Else the monkey business as is known in present days is all too evident among the most elite species (or so called..). Hence given an option George W Bush with an itchy armpit could well be termed the most powerful monkey on this planet...

Ok coming back, did Darwin propose the theory with any timeline as a threshold or was it intended to be continued till eternity ?? I somehow see a stagnation in the evolution among the monkey and the next generation monkeys (ie. Humans I presume). While people are mocked for walking like monkeys and hence called monkeys there are some who just look like monkeys probably b'coz they did not get all that lucky with the genes. However if its the monkey business that one looks at, it's way too evident in the case of almost all on this planet with constant evolutions.

Well coming to the anger part of this entire blog,

if someone terms you or rather calls you as a monkey or any synonym to that then is it something to be really concerned about? Well the one's who are "Immune to teasing" don't really need to worry while the others need to realise that being called as a monkey is only a compliment. Considering the involvement of the primates in Hollywood/Bollywood/Tollywood, something which the most beautiful faces on this world (for eg: Ash) could not accomplish, I feel there's a lot for the primates to cheer. Be it"dunston checks in!" or rather the best associates of "Govinda/Kader Khan" or even the famous associate of Ross in "friends" or the case study of "Jane Gooddal", monkeys have a lot to be happy about. And for the high nose humans who only thought monkeys are to be made fun of often miss out the fun which probably the monkeys have looking at the plight of them at public places.

So to conclude this, next time you are called/termed/teased as a monkey/ape/chimp feel free and feel good to say thankyou since the one who tells you is the master of monkey-business.

Courtesy ( experience of an infamous hostelite, SJCE, Mysore, 2005 batch)